Confessions of a waggle boy
How I Wiggled out of the waggle
By: Richard Linde, 18 June 2002

.In golf terminology, a “waggle” is considered to be the movement of the hands and club before hitting the ball. It’s meant to relax and maintain suppleness in the hands and wrists. According to the pros, these few back and forward movements of the club help the player visualize the takeaway and shape the backswing. Along with professional golfers Hubert Green and Sergio Garcia, I used to be a master of the waggle. For some of us, professionals and rank amateurs (me) alike, waggling the golf club can be a disease.

During the latest incarnation of the U.S. Open, played at Bethpage Black in Farmingdale, New York, Sergio Garcia took as many as 29 waggles before hitting a shot. As the beer took its toll on some of the spectators, the unruly among them began calling him “waggle boy.”

Sergio has nothing on me--this waggle boy. I took as many as 30 waggles one time at Rancho Park, which is the busiest public golf course in Los Angeles. And that was in front of three foursomes stacked up behind us on a Par Three.

“Honey, stop waggling,” my wife said matter-of-factly.

Finally, I managed to stop, stepped back and broke out laughing. No one else thought that was funny, including my wife.

“I never waggle,” she said, consolingly. She's right, men waggle more than women. 

Although I like the thought of being aligned with Sergio and Hubert, I’m afraid I’m in the same hive as a honeybee.

According to one source I read, “Some of the most complex examples of animal communication occur within species that stand relatively low on the evolutionary scale. The best-known example is probably the honeybee’s waggle dance, first observed by Karl von Frisch in the 1940s.”

Besides being classified as low on the evolutionary scale, the only other problem I see with that is this: Whom am I trying to communicate with, a honeybee?

“No, just trying to hit a honey of a shot,” one of my friends punned unsympathetically.

After admitting to myself that I was a waggleholic—an important first step—I turned to my golf pro for advice. How do I stop my uncontrollable waggling? I asked nervously, my face twitching uncontrollably as if I were trying out for the role of Chief Inspector Dreyfus. 

 “Very simple, never take more than two waggles before hitting a shot,” he calmly advised, trying to mask a look of horror.

His advice helped with the facial twitching, but not the waggling.

For incessant wagglers, taking just two waggles before hitting the ball is like asking a drunk to stop drinking after taking two drinks. It’s like telling a victim of Tourette syndrome to curse twice and shut up. For us compulsives, it simply can’t be done.

The problem with insatiable waggling is that you never feel ready to hit the ball—never feel ready to pull the trigger. For waggleholics, stopping the waggle to hit the ball is like jumping off a twenty-foot cliff. It’s like parachuting for the first time, like asking your boss for a raise, like telling your wife you’ve had an affair, like hitting a golf ball with a killer bee on top. You can’t muster the courage to take the plunge.  

The other problem with non-stop waggling is that you dare not look up to recheck your alignment to the hole. If you did, you'd go through the whole process again. It can be a problem for those of us with short-term memory loss.

For Sergio Garcia, relief is on the way. After many years of compulsive waggling, this waggle boy (me) has mostly wiggled out of the waggle. Usually, I take no more than ten waggles before hitting a golf shot now. 

Will I ever limit myself to two waggles, as my pro suggested? I don’t know; I’m taking it one waggle at a time.