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| Washington 35 Arizona 32 (November 4, 2000) |
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| Susan Lucci, "All My Children" |
Just another soap
By Malamute
 I tape all the Husky games on my VCR. I’ve marked the last few tapes with the letter “C,” which stands for cliffhanger. I make sure all of my Husky tapes are write protected, lest my wife accidentally tape a soap opera over part of one. Can you imagine watching Susan Lucci, Rick Neuheisel and Barbara Hedges on the same tape? As actors in a real soap opera, what a love triangle they would present with their potential for scripting cliffhangers.
As you might have guessed, my wife is into "All my Children" more than she is into football. But she did have some questions about last week’s game against Arizona, which I tried to answer for her in terms of a soap opera. I entered into this Q&A session, knowing it was doomed to failure.
Question: “You said football is like a soap, Mal. Why?”
Answer:
Because each episode, divided into four acts, is packed with drama. Each Husky episode has a cliffhanger. There are a set of actors (players, cheerleaders and bandsman), directors (coaches) and critics (referees). The best troupe wins the Daytime Emmy (goes to the Rose Bowl).
Question:
“Who was the star of last week’s Huskies’ thriller?”
Answer:
Willie Hurst, an aging actor on the stage, who apparently had seen his better days.
During the spring, Hurst was cast off “like an old chewed-up piece of gum,” as one of his fellow actors said. Actually, the directors cast him in a “lesser” role, trying him out at slot receiver. It was a misguided mismatch, much like casting Larry Hagman (J.R. Ewing) in the role of a preacher. As a fan I was appalled by the move, Hurst being one of my favorite tough-guy actors. I can understand the directors’ reasoning though. With two understudies emerging (Rich Alexis and Paul Arnold), apparently they needed a way to keep Hurst in the script.
But he’s back on front and center stage now, and doesn’t need a stunt man either. His 65-yard touchdown run brought the audience into the play. His 23-yard touchdown run, featuring a full spin and a one-handed balancing act, mitigated Ortege Jenkin’s infamous summersault. The replay of this Dawg’s effort will give ‘cat fans the willies for years to come. The media will be forced to juxtapose Hurst’s spin with Jenkins’ jump in preliminaries to their telecast when these two teams meet again.
After his acrobatic run, Hurst pointed to the initials “CW” on his jersey, saying that was for you C-Dub, who was watching the game from his hospital bed. The Huskies’ win was much more than just another win; it was for their fallen warrior, Curtis Williams.
Question:
“Were there any other stars?”
Answer:
Another star of this cliffhanger was John Anderson, a Doogie Howzer look-alike who has a Howitzer for a leg. He kicked two critical field goals, while keeping the Wildcats pinned back with his kickoffs. Add Ryan Fleming to the star-laden cast. With the exception of his line-drive punt run back for a touchdown, he punted the ball extremely well, adding another good game to his effort at Stanford. And then there is Darrell Daniels, who along with Hurst won a Daytime Emmy for his performance.
Question:
“Who was the heroine?”
Answer:
Barbara Hedges, the producer/director who put this act together.
Question:
“Who played the role of the villain?”
Answer:
One of Washington’s voice coaches, who apparently hurled a volley of oaths at a drama critic (a ref), during a critical juncture in the game. The crew backstage was warned during the road show at Stanford, as in this one, and should have been ready to be panned. Pac-10 refs get together and gossip about all the soaps they watch, especially the R-rated ones.
Question:
“Why did the other director look so blasé?”
Answer:
Dick Tomey has seen this soap before, a rerun of his last two shows. He’s lost three in a row now, by a total of ten points.
Question:
“What three things do all of these Husky soaps illustrate?”
Answer:
Parity, parity, parity.
Question:
“What can the Dawgs do about it?”
Answer:
In this era of evenness in college football, little things can make a big difference, like maintaining good field position, limiting the number of penalties, having a positive turnover margin, and pounding the opposition with fresh legs (e.g., Hurst’s).
Also, fielding an athletic quarterback, one who can scramble and throw on the run, seems to be a must now, since most defenses in the Pac-10 Theater are turning up the heat.
Question:
“Since the Huskies lose their marquee man next season, can they find another star?”
Answer:
To quiet their critics, the Huskies need to have a versatile actor on hand, a young stand-in like Casey Paus, say?
Question:
“Yawn. Why do your answers always put me to sleep, Mal?”
Answer:
Because Husky football will never be as exciting as watching "All My Children," dear.
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